It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
