you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
