our cab driver is having phone sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
