Someone shit on the floor
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
