I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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