No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she told me i tasted like america
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
