well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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