Your tits are I can't wait for
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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