What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
