I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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