Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
