Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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