The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize