There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
