i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
