i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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