I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
