god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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