Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what day is it and did you see me today?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
