i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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