u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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