I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
