I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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