You made me cry and you don't even care
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
and you fell through a lawn chair
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
