he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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