i already hear my dad disowning me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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