what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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