White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
