dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
