Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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