Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
