After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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