It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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