you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
