You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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