I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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