the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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