Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
