he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Who died my cat blue again?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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