wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
