I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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