I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
