She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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