i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
