When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
