It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
