I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
