the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
