no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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