We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member