This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms