i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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