Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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