I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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