you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
