I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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