Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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