I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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