Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...

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(416): View more from Ontario

that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY

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(909): View more from California

Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?

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(810): View more from Michigan

people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.

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(850): View more from Florida

My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I want to be you.

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(714): View more from California

She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?

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(720): View more from Colorado

Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.

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(647): View more from Ontario

Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.

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