She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
