She is in my trunk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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