the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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