I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
