The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
