Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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