He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
