hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's Friday. Sex?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
