you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
