I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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