I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
is that a dick in a sweater?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize