I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
