you would pick up someone in the library
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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