i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
