Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You ate ashes out of my bong
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